Well, I’m in trouble. 3 weeks into the new year I’ve slipped up. I’m disappointed with myself about it. Please don’t shake your head or cluck your tongue. My great dreams and buoyant spirit have been sucked away. On New Year’s Eve I told God that I’d trust Him with EVERYTHING this year. Well I haven’t, and here I am aggravated about being aggravated.
I’ve been trusting and waiting on my body to be healed for ten years. Along the way, I’ve sought out modern medicine and it hasn’t healed me. Every treatment has had unwanted, uncomfortable side effects and no lasting result. For years, I’d go to the doctor and be asked the same question. “How are you functioning? You shouldn’t be able to do everything that you are doing.” But I was, I did, and I was grateful to God for it. But, over the past year it’s been worse than ever and recently I’ve been more tired than ever. My energy is sapped and recently I’ve felt like my prayers haven’t made it better. So, just the other day, I was driving along giving God the third degree about all of this. It sounded like this:
“Why haven’t you healed me?”
“Do you really want me to do all you’re asking with this sickness going on?”
“What have I done?”
“What haven’t I done?”
“When will this be over?”
I got home without an answer. To add insult to injury, that same night I was disappointed to find that the procedure suggested by my physician has more side effects than my husband or I are willing to risk. More misery, more aggravation, less contentment, less ease of this troubled (and tired) mind. Then, I was reminded of a phone call I received nearly five years ago. Someone I love and trust called and said something very simple and profound to me about my healing. Over the years, that conversation has been my reference and reminder that this thing is going to happen. Then tonight, came these scriptures:
8 Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. 9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. 10 Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not enquire wisely concerning this. – Ecc 7:8-10 (KJV)
It made me think about this whole thing again. It reminded me that I’m confident, and always have been, that eventually I’ll be healed. I’ve seen God do it for others and I’m sure that soon I’ll be able to share how God has healed me. I guess I share all of this tonight to encourage someone who is in similar circumstances. It’s never too late for God to make a difference. He will do what was promised in His time. Webster’s Dictionary defines contentment as ease of mind.
So, I’m reciting this:
“I’m going to be patient. I’m going to be content. I’m going to be healed.”