Since the birth of our second daughter I have struggled with pretty severe anemia. Countless times I’ve been asked the same question. “How are you functioning?” According to the numbers I should probably be sleeping 20 hours a day because my red blood cell counts are low. The medical solutions haven’t worked and the side effects aren’t worth it. So, earlier this year I decided to just wait. I believe God is a healer so I’m waiting for what I’ve declared and what has been declared over me to manifest.
I’ve never been a morning person (ask my husband who is up at 4:30 every morning). But if I had to get up, I did and I didn’t stop. Now, that’s not usually the case. Most mornings when I wake I don’t feel rested. I’m groggy and wishing for another few hours rest. Once upon a time when my eyes opened I was up and out of the bed on a mission. The last thing on my mind before I fell asleep was the order of operations for the next day. I didn’t do well with schedule changes and unforseen circumstances. I didn’t believe in leaving things on the list for the next day. Oh how times change. Having a body that doesn’t want to keep up with your mind can be tough. I’d like to do six loads of laundry, bake two loaves of bread and clean the entire house before noon. But, I’ve come to accept the current limitations of my body. To my surprise, I’ve also come to truly understand grace.
As I write, I think about how busy the past few months have been at our house. Grace has gotten me through. I’ve been stretched thin physically and mentally. Financially, things have been extremely tight and our income has certainly not been what we thought would make ends meet. Grace has gotten me through. Just last week I was ready to give up on pursuit of the college degree that will allow me to follow my vision. I cried for an entire day over circumstances that seemed to scream “Quit!” But again grace got me through. I’ve spent this week reading 2Ti 2 repeatedly. In it Paul said:
Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2Ti 2:2 (KJV)
Ohhh, but for grace where would I be? I’ve learned that anything in Christ Jesus is in abundance. There’s too much of it to be contained. So everyday I wake knowing that God has an abundance of grace for EVERY situation I face. Everything that needs to be taken care of will be. Grace makes a way! My bills are paid, there are clean clothes for my family, and even a loaf of fresh bread in my kitchen. At the end of the day I am strong because God’s grace has been more than enough. What isn’t done is covered by the grace God will show another day. If not, then it wasn’t meant to be. I’ve learned to let God control my schedule. I’ve learned to use my resting time to listen and speak to Him. Instead of being frustrated about the sleep that sometimes doesn’t come, I’ve learned to meditate on what grace has done for me that day. I’m embracing this abundant grace that does the work when my body won’t cooperate. I’ve seen grace go ahead of me and work it all out. I’m so grateful.
Walking in grace,